My Love Story, Part 3

Ahh, and here we have arrived at the part girls love--the romance. I have to admit, I'm pretty thankful that God at least gave me a semi-romantic love story. I guess the funniest part of all this is how much foreshadowing there was! Once, the summer before I traveled, I was sitting at dinner with Christy (Josh's sister), her kids, Josh, and Terry Pettit. Terry was telling some story about a missionary who married a native woman in a tribe he was working in, and how sanctifying it was to marry someone you barely knew and could barely speak to, and Josh joked about how he needed to go get a native tribal woman so he could become more sanctified. I, in my bluntness, blurted out, "Well, I mean I could sanctify you!", meaning that you don't have to marry some tribal woman to experience sanctification through marriage--that we ALL have issues! Of course, that's not how my statement came across to the REST of the people at the table. Oh well...it all worked out. :)

After we split ways for Christmas break, I went home to Georgia and Josh went to Colorado before going on a missions trip with the Pettit team to Guam, Australia, and the Philippines. Reba and I were both convinced that he was going to come back from that trip in love with one of the girls on the team. He SAID he'd text me over break--and by the time break was over, I was a little perturbed that he hadn't. "Hmph. Guess he doesn't care about me as much as he says!" He and the Galkins came to my house right after Christmas before we all headed to our first meetings in Myrtle Beach. He was the same kind, gentle, patient guy he'd been before--and I found myself a little nervous to see him! "What is wrong with me??" But, after being around him for a couple weeks on the road, I realized how NOT interested I was in Josh. Sometimes, I'd be taken aback by his handsome features, or his big muscles when he unloaded the van ("Ahhh, I'm looking at his arms again!!!!"), but soon he would do or say something dorky and I would be totally over him.

As the weeks went on, he just kept being SO nice. I mean, Josh was the model gentleman--he ALWAYS held the doors open for us, and opened them before we got in the car. I don't want to know how much money he spent on us, buying our meals, buying us drinks--he was great. How could you NOT fall in love with him?? I would find myself starting to slip--maybe I'd do something sweet for him. But, then I'd realize I did NOT like him--so I'd swing the pendelum the other direction, and do or say something mean so he'd NEVER think I liked him. (I know, so immature, mean, and dumb--what can I say?)

About the middle of the semester, we had a week off, and Reba, Josh, and I agreed that we'd take a vacation all together--we ended in Arizona, and we had to be in St. George, UT at the end of the week, so we drove to San Diego, where Josh and Christy's sister Shannon and her family live, and spend the week there. The week together got off to a horrible start when Aaron Coffey and Josh decided to scare Reba and I in the trailer we were living in for the week (read Reba's account of it here). We took a day to travel to the Grand Canyon, which I had never seen. Josh was determined to get a picture with me--and I would NOT let him! What can I say? It felt awkward and embarrassing.

Our first picture together. What a romantic pose, I must say...

I remember saying to Reba during the time in San Diego, where we stayed in a hotel while Josh stayed about 30 minutes away with his sister, "Do we HAVE to hang out with Josh today?" He was just kind of weird and embarrassing. We went to the San Diego Zoo, and he walked around in a dorky hat and made animal noises at all the animals--kill me! He took us out to a restaurant and took FOREVER to order. Yep, it seemed pretty final that I was NOT in love with Josh, nor would I ever be.

You know how some people say they know the exact moment they fell in love? I didn't believe them till it happened to me! All this week, THESE were the feelings that I was having. Like I said before, there would be times the last few months that I'd feel ATTRACTION towards Josh...but I would know it was nothing like true love because the feelings would be changed to embarrassment or disgust the next hour. But, I remember the day I fell in love with Josh.

We had an extremely long travel day from San Diego to St. George, UT. We would arrive at the church and have a week off, in which we would work in the mornings and have fun in the afternoons. I don't know how it happened or why, but on that travel day, I fell in love! By the time we got to St. George and went out to eat with the Galkins, I had to pull Reba and the bathroom and tell her before my heart burst! "I like Josh!!" "I KNEW it!", Reba said. "No, like I JUST started liking him--today!" We formulated a plan right there that I was NOT going to act upon these feelings, that I would trust the Lord to help me think on truth, and that I would not tell anyone else! But, all that week, I'm sure people knew something was up. Josh talked about how he couldn't sleep at the house he was staying at cause ducks were quacking outside his window. I suggested, and he asked for, a playlist of music that he could listen to while he slept--I made one that night for him! His birthday was coming up, so I ordered him some new shoes (Sperrys!) to replace his old, ratty ones. The worst give away was when Will, Josh, Reba, and I were all working around a table. I made some face at Reba, and she made one at me, and all the sudden I started giggling. I couldn't stop! I was so red and embarrassed, which just made me giggle more! Josh and Will just stared blankly at me--I knew they must know! But, thankfully, they were clueless--and I left the room feeling like an idiot!

Paintballing in St. George the day after I "fell in love". I was definitely digging his camo that day! :)

Ok, this couldn't go on for the rest of the semester--something had to change. And that's when I began to make it my mission to keep Josh from finding out I liked him, whatever the costs.

(Now, don't kid yourself, it's not that I DIDN'T want to date Josh--I had never dated before, but I would have dated him in a heartbeat if he'd asked me then. But it was the fact that I was convinced in my mind that HE would never like ME. I mean, I wasn't exactly the epitome of beautiful--and he had seen me looking HORRIBLE throughout the semester, on early travel days and late nights. I was also very self-conscious about the weight I'd gained on the road, and although I was dieting at the time, anyone knows that dieting takes FOREVER, and I was constantly self-conscious around him. So, I NEVER wanted him to know I liked him, for fear of the humiliation that would come when he rejected me!)

Those next two months, my love for Josh grew and grew! I'd never felt something like this before! And, unlike previous times of "attraction", no amount of awkwardness or embarrassment from Josh could make me dislike him!

Not even this...

It was not easy! First, Josh was still Mr. Nice and Kind ALLLLLLL the time! Didn't he know how hard he was making this?? Sometimes, I'd catch him looking at me in the van in the rearview mirror--I'd get so embarrassed! Because I didn't want him to get a hint I liked him, I'd tend to respond to his acts of kindness with meanness, just so he had no doubts in his mind--poor guy. At his birthday party, we played a Galkin-original game which consists of popping a balloon, doing the activity inside, and winning a prize. I, of course, had to pick the balloon with the following activity "Serve the birthday boy the drink of his choice, then kneel down and kiss his big toe." Josh had a little toe fungus issue at this time, which made the activity even MORE hilarious to everyone watching (still not laughing! :) I couldn't believe I had to do it...

Disbelief...

Don't worry! I didn't actually kiss it! I just couldn't make myself do it...

There was also the time we went snowboarding. One of the churches offered us passes, so Aaron Coffey, Josh, and I went to hit the slopes. I'd never been snowboarding before, so he wanted to teach me. Oh my word, my dream come true--a day with Josh! I was so embarrassed, but totally enjoying it at the same time! :) He was the kindest and most patient teacher ever--I was the worst snowboarder in the world, but it allowed me to totally admire him as he did all these crazy jumps down the hills. This was NOT helping the situation!

As the semester went on, it was harder and harder to not WANT a relationship with Josh. I needed to find my satisfaction in Christ! There were two wonderful things that came out of this struggle. First, it took Reba and I from traveling partners to close friends. Having gone through a similar experience, she was able to offer me wisdom and help to keep me thinking and doing right. We have wonderful times together! We still look back fondly one those days...well, at least, I do. :) Second, as I've already alluded to, it deepened my walk with the Lord. All those struggles last semester gave way to a patient and purposeful pursuit of God. (wow, can I be a preacher with my alliteration? please?) Now, I finally had something in my life that was hard enough I COULDN'T do it in my own strength--I needed God's grace each day. And, BY His grace, I was able to make it through each day without manipulating Josh into liking me, without dropping little hints here and there that I was interested, without spending all day daydreaming and not serving the churches we were in. It was so good for me.

But, it was still hard. I cared for him more now than ever! And he was still sooooo kind. Almost too kind. Sometimes I would wonder, "Could he...does he...like me too?" But I would excuse away those thoughts because of my own insecurities and reminding myself of what he'd said years ago--"I don't like you in that way, and if I do, I'll tell you." Well, that answered my question for me. The second to last week of meetings, our team went to Mackinaw Island. At this point, I was a goner--I'd already told Will about my interest in Josh. He'd totally freaked (which I'd found odd). "Ok, um, we're just gonna love Jesus and keep serving!" Duh, Will...what else would I do? It's not like he's interested! Anyways, back to Mackinaw Island--Josh and I sat next to each other on the ferry ride over. Our hands were just millimeters apart on the bench--and my heart was racing! Yes, my whole romantic world was being turned upside down because my hand was almost touching the man of my dreams. Pathetic, but hey, I'd never even come close to dating, and I LOVED this man! If he had reached out and grabbed it, I would have fainted dead right there. I was SO tempted just to grab his hand and tell him "I LOVE YOU!" But, thankfully, I refrained. :) The whole day was torture--such a wonderful place, and being the romantic that I am, all I wanted in the world was for him to turn to me and proclaim his undying love for me! Yeah, I was pretty pathetic and hopeless. A lost cause.

The freezing water could not quench the fires of love...omw...

(this is all I have time for today, but I'll try to finish tomorrow! It really does have a happy ending! :)