My Love Story, Part 2

Well, we just pulled our trailer into its last church parking lot for the year. It happens to be the very first church that I traveled to with the team. Brings back lots of memories—when I was here two and a half years ago, I was single, no prospects of marriage, a year of school still to finish, and OBVIOUSLY had no baby. My, how much has changed…

Thinking back to two and a half years ago, my first week traveling with the Galkins, I had NO idea what I’d gotten myself into. I mean I knew I was traveling with the evangelist who could see into my soul!!—or so I thought (little did I know how obviously my flesh was manifesting itself). I loved traveling with the 5 kids on the team—so much fun! I also traveled with another single girl, who had been my discipleship group leader at Northland just the summer before (providential!) Reba and I didn’t really have much in common—she was older than me, more spiritual than me, and waaaay more musically talented than me. We didn’t really become “friends” until next semester. She was gearing up for her first big recording as a director, so her attentions were focused. I on the other hand was just waltzing through life, no idea what an evangelistic team does, why they do it, or how.

At our first Galkin team party...

Josh was still very kind to me through all these first weeks of travel. His “female” attentions, though, were focused on someone else throughout most of the semester—a relationship that Reba and I were encouraging him towards! That semester wasn’t the semester that I grew a ton spiritually—that would come in the spring. This semester I saw just how immature and sinful I was. Wow—imagine studying a book like “War of Words” (HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!) with the team, and realizing that I used my tongue for evil ALL the time! There were many convicting and eye-opening moments throughout the semester, but I can’t say that I always responded to them correctly. I mean, I’d see the sin (which was a huge step), but wouldn’t always be broken over it. Yeah it was bad…but the fact that Christ was killed for THIS sin?? Wasn’t quite sinking in yet. 

There was a specific instance at the end of the semester that gave me the opportunity to choose self or finally surrender and choose the Lord. I wouldn’t say I got saved then—but it definitely is a point that I can look back at and say “No, I KNOW I’m saved!” We had a very long trip from Michigan to Georgia over the span of two days. Back then, our team didn’t have a cargo trailer, since it was just us three singles traveling in the van. So we packed the sound equipment, luggage, and office stuff in the van. This left Josh and Reba up front, and me, poor little me, stuck in the BACK with all their junk! Well, this being our second to last week of meetings, I’d just about had it. I was tired of being the “baby” and stuck in the back of the van. I was tired of them always talking to each other and never including me in the conversation because they stuck me in the back. I was tired of the trash can being right next to me, and them NEVER emptying it. (Mind you, these are my thoughts, not what was actually happening…ok, they really never did empty the trash, but the OTHER stuff wasn’t necessarily true ;). I was just seething with annoyance and anger. That night, we all got together in the Galkins trailer to play some games. Thankfully the Coffeys were not there to witness my fleshiness! J We decided to play Rook—and Reba was winning. Well, I was mad at Reba—so what did I do? I knew I couldn’t win the game, but if I couldn’t win, she wasn’t going to either! It was the kind of round where you call your partner by calling a card you want on your team. So I peeked at her cards, called some wacky number I knew she had, claimed her as my partner, and then bid for ALL the cards. Then, to make sure we had no CHANCE of winning, I made sure to lose every round. Everyone thought I was joking at first…then it was just awkward. Reba lost—I didn’t feel any better. And now everyone in the trailer knew that I was struggling with something BIG! Reba and I were staying in a hotel for that night, and we got back and did what every person does after manifesting their anger in front of 10 people—read “War of Words” in preparation for team devotions the next morning. I was still seething. Reba started to try to patch things up—“Caroline, do you want to talk about—“ “NO!!!!”, I replied. Ok, well, that quieted things down for the night—in the room, that is, but not my own soul. I was thinking thoughts like “I don’t even want to come back next semester. I’ll just tell Will I’m leaving the team; he can’t stop me. Is this even real?? If God were real, why doesn’t He change me??”

Honestly, to give you a look into my soul, I was ready to quit “Christianity” right then. It was too hard, too time consuming. It took too much out of you to try and love new people EVERY week, to care about lost souls enough to pursue them with the Gospel, to serve the same people every day even when I’d seen their “bad side”. I was ready to just throw in the towel and walk away from religion and a relationship with God. But, I was still sitting there trying to read “War of Words”, and something (or Someone) in me just wouldn’t let me go. As much as I wanted to deny God, I just couldn’t. I knew He was real. I HAD seen Him change me. I’d seen Him save me! I knew He was Creator. I knew He was loving and kind. My flesh tried to convince me that these things were true, and as much as my mind and heart tried to agree with them, I couldn’t. It’s true that the Lord keeps His children—He kept me that night. And every night since.

The next morning was team devotions—I knew what I needed to do. In a little room in a country church in Georgia, I sobbed as Will pleaded with me to humble myself and just admit I was wrong. It sounds like such a small deal—but this was the Lord bringing me to the point of choosing Him completely or continuing in my own goodness and trying to sanctify myself. I didn’t think I could ask forgiveness cause I was crying so hard—I wanted to do it later. But Will told me to do it now! J So I did…and that was the Lord finally breaking down my self-righteous walls and making me humble.

So began a divine love story that is so much greater and stronger than any earthly romance, but was one that I needed before I could possibly have the wonderful one that the Lord gave me in Josh. I didn’t leave the team—I went home for Christmas break determined to read my Bible and pursue the Lord. Sanctification was such a slow process that I would often grow impatient—but then would ask the Lord to make me faithful. Next semester, He not only gave me evidence of His working in my life, but He also gave me a best friend who would for the rest of our lives encourage me to grow and walk with the Lord.

(Part 3 coming soon—this is where the REAL miracles take place. ;)